A Mother’s Heart

I was never able to fully understand the true depth of a mother’s love, until I had a child of my own.  A mother’s heart carries an unbreakable love for her children and takes on the weight of their heartache.  If it could be measured, we would find the strongest thing in the world tucked inside each mother’s chest.

Her children are not just the ones that are a part of her, but every child that is abandoned, afraid, or wounded becomes hers and her heart aches for them.  It breaks for every suffering mother and longs to comfort them.  I am sure the world would crumble if mother’s did not exist.

As a child, I wanted to grow up to be just like my mother.  She was beautiful, and smart and basically still a child herself, having me when she was only 20.  I clung to her side, only feeling safe as long as I was within inches of her.

During my teenage years, I stubbornly wanted to be anything but.  Like most teenagers and their mothers, I’m sure, we butted heads constantly.  In my eyes she was no longer smart and kind, but carefully plotted out various ways to ruin my very existence.  Hateful words were thrown at her with out a second thought and many years past before I looked at her as something other than my mortal enemy.  I look back on those years and can’t help but cringe, hoping she doesn’t do the same.

Thankfully, with age comes wisdom.  (10 years in a different state than her probably didn’t hurt either.)  Now, with a family of my own, I feel much more like that little girl and want to be just like the woman who never stopped loving me.  I’ve watched her run across marathon finish lines, pursue a nursing degree, selflessly care for her children throughout countless moves and trials, kneel down in prayer for support and guidance, and never stop supporting her family.  We still have many differences, but I am inspired by her strength and hope that I inherited an once of what she has.

One of my favorite quotes is by Renita Weems, and perfectly describes my feelings for my mom.

“I cannot forget my mother. She is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely”.

Happy Mother’s day!

Growing Up

Remember, when you were a little kid and the years seemed to drag out?

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be to “Slow Down.” Back then I was so eager to grow up. My parents felt like enemies and I couldn’t wait to get out on my own.

Almost 10 years ago to the day, I moved out on my own and spent the next several years racing carelessly through life. Before I knew it, I was on a slippery slope of self-destruction. This led to a lot of wasted years, shame and guilt.

I’ve been watching the clock today, wishing it would take my advice too. Naturally, the minutes keep passing one at a time, inching me closer to tomorrow – my 27th birthday, which should be exciting.

Turning 27 doesn’t make me feel “old” necessarily, but has left me reflecting back on those lost years. I believe there is always time to change the direction of your life, and I’m trying to remind myself that I’m doing just that. Today, however, it just feels hard to remember…

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt this way about a looming birthday. What did/do you do to cheer yourself up? I’d love to hear!